Words To End Your Craving For Pleasure
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Lucas The Great" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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02:34 pm
[Link] | Abort.
ABORT!
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11:05 pm
[Link] | If you honestly knew how difficult it is to do this, I think you'd give me less shit.
A goal without a plan ain't nothin' but a wish.
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11:33 pm
[Link] | It ain't like it ain't happened before.
He's so used to having it all. So used to obsessing over having it all.
Can't help that he gets those sweet, entrancing eyes. Those oh-so-subtle nods of approval.
The whispers start. He doesn't fucking care. He worked real hard. Really, he did. Insanely hard. Whatever. No one really trusts that statement.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. What it does do is hit every branch coming down and rot for days before the keep does anything about it.
I guess all you can really hope for is that the tree's not too high and that the keep's not on strike.
Silly boy. Never saw, (sees?) it coming. But there's so much unadulterated beauty that enters his life that facades easily get built up and torn down like flickering switches. Like uninvited wildfires.
He's obtained so much good fortune. To him. Him alone.
But like two unfortunate people making love for the first time, satisfaction and smiles usually take a backseat to the idea that it was nothing to write home about.
C'est la vie. I suppose it was nice for them. I suppose it was nice for him.
It ain't like it ain't happened before.
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07:47 pm
[Link] | it's reached that point.
missing her more than she misses you.
wanting her more than she wants you.
realizing that there really was a reason behind all of it.
this part sucks.
and it probably won't end.
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02:16 am
[Link] |
Bone Thugs N' Harmony
First off, LJ is ten years old?
Secondly, and more importantly, I've hit that crossroads where EVERYTHING, and i mean how you are, how you act, how you look, how you talk, how you approach, how you think, how you watch, how you listen, how you entertain, how you appeal...Just doesn't seem to work anymore. Am I late? Early? Right? Wrong?
I don't know.
I wish LiveJournal was Twitter and vice versa.
That's all.
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02:03 am
[Link] |
Lots o' beer.
Eenie Meenie Miney Mo.
Catch a Tiger by its toe.
If she hollers (about when the good times came to fruition like a comet seamlessly soaring through the sky, bringing about some of the most awaited moments a lifetime could sometimes not even promise...Waking up to some of the most flawless images thine eyes could not picture on any lighted stage...Creating smiles, tears, laughs, and pain that was only magnified by the warmness of the touch that always greeted the nighttime skies...about what she had never seen before...about a missed opportunity...about why it took so long...about why it didn't take long enough...about the future and how she couldn't see it and how she didn't care that he didn't "worry about it"...about writings that were never written..about the idiosyncrasies of the expressions on his face... about the ease and comfort that others brought that he couldn't...about the vices...about the others...about the aesthetics...about how he didn't "do enough"...about what happens next...about the future again...about the others again...about YOU.) Let her go.
Eenie Meenie Miney Mo.
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04:31 pm
[Link] |
OSCARS 2009
Ok, i made it...the telecast doesn't start for another two hours.
Here is my last-minute Oscar review including who I think will take down the 8 biggest prizes of the evening and who WOULD win if I ruled the world.
LET'S DO IT!
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Eric Roth (Saw it)
Doubt, John Patrick Shanley (Didn't see it)
Frost/Nixon, Peter Morgan (Saw it)
The Reader, David Hare (Saw it)
Slumdog Millionaire, Simon Beaufoy (Saw it)
Will and Should Win: Slumdog Millionaire
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY:
Frozen River, Courtney Hunt (Didn't See it)
Happy-Go-Lucky, Mike Leigh (Didn't See it)
In Bruges, Martin McDonagh (Didn't See it)
Milk, Dustin Lance Black (Saw it)
WALL-E, Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon, Pete Docter (Saw it)
Will Win: Milk
Should Win: WALL-E:
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Amy Adams, Doubt
Penélope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona (Didn't See It)
Viola Davis, Doubt
Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler (Saw it)
Will Win: Penelope Cruz
Should Win: Viola Davis
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BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Josh Brolin, Milk
Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight (Saw It)
Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder (Didn't See It)
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt
Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road (Saw It)
Will and Should Win: Heath Ledger
BEST ACTRESS:
Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie, Changeling
Melissa Leo, Frozen River
Meryl Streep, Doubt
Kate Winslet, The Reader
Will and Should Win: Kate Winslet
BEST ACTOR:
Richard Jenkins, The Visitor
Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn, Milk
Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler
Will and Should Win: Mickey Rourke
BEST DIRECTOR:
Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire
David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon
Stephen Daldry, The Reader
Gus Van Sant, Milk
Will and Should Win: Danny Boyle
BEST PICTURE:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire
Will Win: Slumdog Millionaire
Should Win: Milk
NOTES:
*By no means is Milk my favorite movie of the year, it's simply the best of the 5 nominees in my opinion. Here's my rankings of the 5 best picture nominees:
1. Milk
2. Slumdog Millionaire
3. Frost/Nixon
4. Curious Case....
5. The Reader
* Mickey Rourke is my "upset" of the night. Sean Penn is the front-runner, but I think they're gonna give it to Rourke.
* The Best Actress race is weird for me. I only saw one of the nominees, (Winslet) and can't help but imagine I'd like one of the other four nominees better. HOWEVER, I still think Winslet should win because she turned in the best performance by an actress of the year in Revolutionary Road.
*Heath Ledger is the Lock of the night.
*Clint Eastwood for best actor is the biggest snub of the night. Easily.
* Looks like Slumdog is going to have a big night. Deservedly so.
* The 3 movies I wish were up for Best Picture the most that are not are probably: The Dark Knight, WALL-E, and The Wrestler.
*The Reader should not be nominated.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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01:54 am
[Link] |
Space Odyssey 2008: A Year and (kind of) a Life in Review by Lucas Gonzales
I can't even quite remember how it began.
It probably was something silly like playing guitar hero on my new PS3 or trying to add a class i didn't have or wanting to see some movie I hadn't already seen that I probably ended up not seeing anyway. Like I said, I can't really remember. That's what I really love/hate about those people that say "WOW! OMG! The year flew by soooooo fast!" I have never understood that. Important events that happened to me in January, February, etc feels like fucking lifetimes ago. I can't even remember how it began. Years drag, so pray they're good.
Here's what I DO know: I threw a new year's party and the new year didn't start out good. That's it.
Leading up to the birth of 2007, I had never had a relationship that lasted more than 3 months, and even that was a fucking joke. Leading up to the birth of 2008, I was right on the heels of enjoying my 1-year-anniversary with who I felt just fit me in every way.
Well, it didn't work. It was done by February, and really done later in the year. Yeah, I felt the sting and the uniqueness of this particular situation, but I just realize now that my head wasn't clear. In the time I write this sentence, "Something" probably ended. A heart probably got broken. Someone probably moved on. I'm not special as much as I like to think I am. This isn't the fucking Truman Show. Thats what happens and the aforementioned 3-month odyssey and all the high school bullshit that preceded that couldn't set me up for that. It was my first time in a real relationship and the first one always fails. Sooner or later, it does. Thats just what happens and i didn't know. More on this later.
Here's a real plot twist: At the beginning of this year, I enjoyed being a student. Yeah, me.
I didn't really understand why until later this year when I hated being a student all over again. It's because I didn't have 2-hour classes in which i had to dress in an unflattering black attire and listen to washed-up middle-aged actors tell me what to do and how to do it all the while writing papers on why I was telling the love of my life to fuck off in a character analysis.
"Thank you for your audition, but we regret to inform you...".....I don't really know how the rest went, because I stopped reading after that and cried instead. To catch up, in May, I was booted from the BFA acting program hot off the heels of a very well-received Chekhov performance and good grades and exceptional peer reviews....suffice to say, I didn't quite understand.
I will say this, and this is ironic because this idea is influenced by an activity we did in my voice and movement class: There are a couple of things that I didn't want people to know this year of 2008 that I'm gonna reveal now....
And it starts off with 1) Friends....I sure get hurt when it is made light of my getting booted out of the BFA program.
Yes, I am the king of giving shit, making light of, blah blah blah... But I also am very observant and keen on the idea of knowing when people just don't want or need the shit.
I was forced out of a program that I loved. Probably more than anybody who still is in it to be honest. And then this; See I don't have the resources to just "get out and start my life". I can only try and tell you how I felt when I watched some of my peers who got expelled just move to New York or California because they were financially capable. Meanwhile, I'm in a program that keeps me in school taking MORE classes i don't want to take all knowing that when I graduate, I will still have to make some money before I can start my life.
I don't expect all my friends to read this, (let's just get that out of the way. You can stop now if you want.) but if you do, just remember that. I just really don't like that it's made light of because honestly, breakup included, receiving that rejection letter was the darkest moment of the year.
Boy, 2008 doesn't look so good. And I didn't even discuss the summer. And the summer sucked.
The summer was just a big showcase of me being taken for granted. To be honest thats all I really want to say.
Soooooooooooooooooooooo.....
Why do I still feel like 2008 was actually pretty.....awesome?
When I was still in love
When I snuck into my first bar
When I met Kevin Becerra
When I didn't meet but built a relationship with Michelle Wicklas
When my friends were there
When the theatre kids were there
When I turned 21
When those special ladies later first stepped through our door and (lovingly) were dubbed the Cancer
When I moved into a new house and got 3 great new roommates
When I laughed a lot
When I yelled a lot
When that one spent the night, never to be seen again
And When that one reappeared
When that one never left
When I was still in love (again.)
I just don't know....I guess I get unhappy from time to time but I never STAY unhappy. It's a quality of mine that really has never wavered.
Number 2! on the "Now you Know" list: Girls and my relationship with them really have a vicegrip on my life.
Thats just how it is. Thats why February happened, that's why the summer happened, thats why that night i drove by happened, thats why that night when she cried and I held her happened, thats why I never talked to her, thats why I talked to her, thats why I messed around with her and then her and then her happened, thats why I freaked out that one night, thats why I stayed up till 6AM that night, thats why when she said "It wouldn't happen"...I didn't listen.
Current status: infatuated, borderline, in love. I don't think she knows it. Or maybe she does.
Which brings me to number 3: Being stubborn and really bad luck leads to my personal downfall in love these days.
One of my coworkers (by the way, working at starbucks is great.) was really shocked when I told her how I still, to this day, really regret love decisions that I made in high school. High school! That was literally 2 1/2 to 5 years ago!
Buttttttttt it's true. And it's because no one really left tucson and they're still here today. All around me.
So the bad luck part is obvious. I've just had really bad luck in the past with women. But who hasn't? Plus I'd contend that I've had far more good luck than bad especially when i set my mind to something.
Now the stubborn part.....
Number 4...If I'm not with anyone right now, or ever, it's because I'm stubborn. I feel like I can't give up on others. And my tragic flaw is that I really like to go for the ones who make perfect sense but won't come around.
True story: My GF from early this year? I procrastinated for like 3 months before I felt like I should give it a shot with her. I can't believe she actually waited. So thats luck.
I constantly think about women and my standing with them. Whenever a "meltdown" occurs, it's usually over a girl.
It just sucks because dating back to high school I just keep adding to the list of those I let get away. Now there is one that stands above the others, but still....I did it then, I'm doing it now, and I'll probably do it again.
I just need that Click. Like Brick with alcohol in "Cat on a Hot tin Roof". I need that one that a) makes sense, b) will give me a chance and c) I'll give a chance to. It seems so elementary, but thats it. And it's really difficult for all that to click.
So 2008....
Good year. Honestly. It really was.
Number 5...I really think I'm gonna make it. (Uh-oh, there's my ego talking.) And never did I more feel that way than after I played the Player in Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. Look, it was just a nice performance.
Number 6...Leaving tucson scares the shit out of me, and I'm gonna be one of the first black stallions to legitimately do that.
Number 7 ..... The other day I was driving down Tucson and pulled up behind this fat biker. Now, this guy's asscrack was hanging out BIG TIME! I mean, I saw his browneye. Now, just to sweeten the deal, his bike, if that's what you want to call it, was the size of a fucking scooter. The ratio for how large this man was to how small his "bike" was preposterous.
I followed him for a good mile, laughing the whole way.
It was just me.
If things went differently this year, I could've missed that for some reason. So I guess I can't complain.
In essence, and yeah pretty symbolically, that is why amongst all the shit, 2008 was Awesome.
The boy breathed in the cool frost of the nighttime breeze and his cigarette
And drove around for a mile or two
knowing where he was going
and not knowing when he was going to flick it out the window.
He pulled up 20 minutes later.
Fell asleep.
Happy 2008.
I hope 2009 will be better, but like I said, that's not a negative comment by any means.
I'm going to go Mei-Wah now.
Current Mood:  drunk
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07:41 pm
[Link] | Jen's smell is intoxicating.
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10:52 pm
[Link] | Cathy wants to come back.
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12:36 am
[Link] |
I'm the opposite of people.
LJ GAME! BRINGIN' IT BACK! AN OLDIE BUT GOODIE.
You!....
Think of an adjective, phrase, etc. that best describes me in your opinion.
THEN....
Go to google image search and type whatever you thought of in the search box.
THEN....
Copy and paste your favorite picture from the first page in the comment box!
That's it!
Don't tell the word though...That'd ruin the surprise.
Then you can do it!
Fuck, I love LJ!
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06:10 pm
[Link] |
You'll be the first and last to know.
Ring...
Ring...
Ring...
The boy's phone, that won't stop ringing.
He picks it up of course.
However, the more he picks it up, he notices,
the more he wishes he couldn't hear.
This is actually starting to get scary again.
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10:04 am
[Link] |
Quit smiling
Things just keep on happenin'.
And B-ryan just keeps getting in better shape. What's his secret?
Eavesdropping towards the back corner of the room,
He listened as the old friends spoke of their fraternity;
The same he'd been in long ago.
And they spoke of its constant demise,
And how it'd been so lovely before.
The boy stopped listening.
The boy wondered if, by any chance or any way
That just maybe the demise was because he was there no more.
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01:25 pm
[Link] |
LAWL
Write 22 things about 22 different people and watch the ambiguity and hilarity ensue. Thank you, Jesus.
1. Ok actually thank you, Jorge for completely breaking the rules of writing TEN things and instead writing fourteen allowing me to parody that by writing 22. You look like my dad. No Viva Mexico.
2. Put your shirt on. I didn't eat your pizza. I love you, but if you ever shit on my sister, literally or metaphorically, I'll fucking kill you. LOLziez!
3. You don't realize how much I think you are the glue of this house. I mean that. Your nipples rival stephen's in funniest I've seen.
4. I really hope you make it big. Not just because you're my friend, but because your ex always drunkenly said how much I reminded her of you and vice versa. So therefore, if you win then I'll win too right? I'm probably going to new york this winter break. I'll see you there.
5. I gave you so many chances to get over it. Every time i saw you i just wanted to say, "RIGHT HERE! HELLLOOOOOOO!" I'm not saying it's too late, but I just don't think you'd ever actually consider it.
6. You win, man. You made it and you really didn't have to do anything.
7. Might be time to give up, eh?
8. I'm glad you showered. Stop making so much goddamn noise all the time.
9. I can't tell you how much I'm proud of you. I'm very happy you became who you are today. Buy your own smokes.
10. Heyyyyy joe. Get a real fucking job. Obama owns you and your family. Get used to it, you piece of shit.
11. What a year it's been, eh? This is where it's at whether you like it or not. Sorry? It's ok? I don't really know what to say.
12. It's time for a change. I know you'll use all that God-given potential someday. Now, can you try walking that straight line again?
13. Don't try so hard. You're perfect the way you are.
14. YOU ARE NOT FUNNY!!!!!!! IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF FUCKING CATS IN STUPID CANDID FUCKING POSES WITH BAD GRAMMAR AND SHITTY PUNS AT THE BOTTOM! YOU ARE THE REASON LIBRARY KIDS EXIST! DIE
15. I need 20 bucks.
16. You are not as deep and mysterious as you think you are. I think you want to be David Bowie or even a scientist so bad, but you are just not, and I think that is worse than actually being them. I went to your power hour just as much as you went to mine, and I kinda paid for like 5 of your drinks while you only needed to get me one and I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse about this whole situation. The Blood Brothers are not cool, LOLcats is not funny, and you were always at the top of my list (of hetero lifemates). I still consider us friends though, so I mean it when I say good luck in finding what it is your are looking for because you are defiantly searching for something. Or just having your cake, muffins, enchiladas and eating them too.
17. I really hate where we're at. I don't want it to be like this, and I don't think you do either, but...here we are. Awkwardness, silence, and stupid frowns. Maybe it's different for you, because I never experienced all that before while this was your second try. If you don't like this, sorry darlin, but it's truly all your fault. You were everything, while I slowly turned into your plan B or the thing you could do when there's nothing "better" at the moment and thats not really fair. You made one HUGE decision this august...Me or him. You chose him. And now seeing how that turned out, I wonder if you would go back at change your mind. Don't worry, I'll always have that inherent love for you. That won't change. I wonder if I went back to exactly one year from now, if I'd do anything different. Probably not.
18. You are the best corporation i could ever ask for. I love being your slave and making coffee for you. You pay me pretty well and there's no Tony Terry. Thank you. I love you.
19. I love you but I just farted in your room.
20. I kinda have a crush on you. Ok..I have a really big crush on you. There are 3 things that are kinda unfortunate though...1. That thing you said to me after that party like a week ago. Really hopeful yet disheartening all at the same time. 2. I'm worried you won't come around. 3. I don't think you think that I'm serious. Well, babe... I am. I'm right here and i will drop all of this single juggling if you just say the word.
21. If you say one more thing about me smoking around you, I will cock knock you. Haha! Just kidding. I hope your ear gets better. I want to play poker soon, so.....Wanna play another Hills Drinking Game?
22. You, my dear, are the One that got away. Yeah, you. I am sorry. I think about it a lot, especially these days. Don't worry though, I won't bring it up or hint at it at all in person. It's way past its expiration date and that'd be unfair. The only way I'm rehashing that is if you ever brought it up first. But I am sorry.
LOLZ!
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03:09 pm
[Link] |
It's Time.
As i look back on the miracle that was 20, I take into account just how bumpy the past year had been. As a matter of fact, I probably didn't come out of it even, but that's ok. God did i still have fun.
Now I do what i want, I spose. And school starts tomorrow and as usual, i will walk into every class without books. Homie don't play that shit. I probably won't need half of them.
So 20 is in the rear-view mirror. 21 looks very, very promising though.
So here's to always hoping, laughing, and rocking hard. Good times will stay, bad times will turn around. They always do.
Here's to no more worries and the ever-growing presence of growing up...and rebelling against that of course.
Cheers.
-Lucas
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06:59 pm
[Link] |
Can't you smell that smell?
After a long conversation among ol-skool LJers, like the word "porch monkey", we're bringing it back.
So how about we play the top 5 game? You give me a category, any category, and I will give you my top fivers and we'll discuss! Everyone else do it!
LJ will rule again.
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10:19 pm
[Link] |
There's No Way!
How the fuck is it that in every single disaster film, the family pet ALWAYS SURVIVES!
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02:50 am
[Link] |
Whoops.
I let it happen again. And this one hurts. Real bad.
It seems like so long ago. Ah, what happened?
Current Mood:  crappy
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05:17 pm
[Link] | Have you ever woken up and had a very irritating rash behind your ears?
Because I have and I want to know why. I look like a damned fool itching them all day.
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02:03 am
[Link] |
crammed outside.
You know, I was always told this story about a boy all by his lonesome. This boy who would walk, lounge, and talk to only himself.
Of course, every day, night, week, and year was an adventure. Some fantastic, borderline supernatural bullshit adventure. It was him versus the earth, moon, heaven, and hell.
I never saw it that way. I focused more on the boy and developed my own separate interpretation of these stories.
You see, i'd always envision this boy teetering on the brink of manhood. Sure, he was still alone, but there was never a fight against anyone or anything except himself.
I'd see this boy walking down a street. A desolated road with no sign of life except for the gigantic buildings to each side and the lights that seemed to only flicker for one stretch and burn out for the others.
This road would end though. I see the story with a more realistic point of view. All roads end. There is life on earth. This boy is not isolated from the world. This road would end.
Also this boy is not shunned by the earth. He holds qualities that God himself could not take away. He is rich with ambition, humor, angst, and a future.
Yeah, it's strange how the imagination can make or ruin a great story, but that's how it goes.
Anyway, the story ends this way...The boy sees and feels this stretch of extinction coming to an end. Everything will go back to normal soon and life goes on. The boy stops, just for a moment. He pulls out a cigarette, lights it and looks up. He looks up past the lights, buildings and into the quiet dark of the sky.
He knows he can't touch it. It's just the fucking sky. But he can touch it, and he will. And for that brief moment before he awakes, you see, for the first time, some expression that can only be described as a silent neutrality.
He wants to touch it, but his feet are stuck to the ground. The boy cries.
"I give up." He moves forward. The road ends. Life goes on.
And the only truly morose part of this story is that the boy was all alone. And no one or thing was there to see it.
Poor kid. He'll win someday.
August is here.
I still work at starbucks.
People are coming. People are going.
I miss a lot of people.
I'm going to be 21 soon.
I've got a great house.
I've got great roommates.
Everything...well, could be better and could be worse.
My life is an Apatow film. I am convinced of this.
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